Amurrca.

It’s incredible how excited people get when you say you’re from America…then how much more excited they get about California…then how much more excited they get about San Diego/LA. I’m pretty sure people think I’m this amazing person but really I’m just a regular person who happened to be born in America. No big deal. Truly.  Everyone I’ve met thinks it’s the best thing ever though. My first encounter with this was my first week when I went to that film festival. As I had mentioned, I went by myself and ended up making friends with another guy who was there by himself because he’d gotten the ticket for free. Cool. I introduce myself and the following conversation takes place:

Guy: Do you have an accent?
Me: Ya. I’m from America.
Guy: Wow! That’s amazing!  Do you mind if I ask you stereotypical things about America? Is that weird?
Me: Haha no go ahead!
At this point I’m 99% sure he’s going to ask me if I’ve seen celebrities, if I’m friends with celebrities, have I been to New York/LA etc. No. It gets better.
Guy: Um…what’s Arkansas like?
Me: Wait, are you serious?
Guy: Oh no…is Arkansas bad??
Me: I mean, I’ve never been there but from what I hear it’s like the armpit of America. You don’t want to go there.

Turns out he’s a big fan of this performance artist who’s doing a big exhibition or something in Arkansas. I told him he should go for that, see what it’s like for himself, then GET OUT. Unless he likes it. Then he can stay… I guess.

Moment two:

After going out with my friends one of them was really hungry and wanted to stop by a pizza place on the way home. We walk up and the amount of drunk people there is staggering. I’m pretty sure at that point we were the only sober people in that universe, which made everything even funnier. As we were waiting for my friend’s pizza this guy comes up to me and blatantly asks for my number.

Me: No.
Guy: Why not? I am from Brazil. I would like to get to know you. Can I have your number?
Me: That’s nice. No.
Guy: Oh come on. Please? I am nice.
Me: I’m sure you are. I don’t have a phone. I’m just visiting.
Guy: Where do you live? I will drive to you. It’s ok if it’s far.
Me: You’re going to drive to America? Interesting. Let me know how that works out for you.
Guy: Oh come on I would like to make up with you.
Me: Really now? I didn’t realize we were even fighting. That’s funny.
Guy: What? I would like to make up with you!
Me: You mean make out? No thanks.
Guy: Yes, yes, that is what I meant!
Me: Again, no.

Engaging in a battle of wits with someone whose first language is not English is a bit unfair, but that’s what he gets. If you can’t take the heat don’t play in the street! Luckily for me my friend’s pizza was done and our large male friends escorted us home. As we were walking back I was typing something into my phone and another guy just yelled from across the street, “HEY CAN MY FRIEND HAVE YOUR NUMBER?” Who are these people and why do they think that’s going to work?? Hilarious. Normally I would just tell people to go fly a kite and get really annoyed but for some reason everything here is just amusing. And ridiculous. Very ridiculous.

Moment three (by far the best):

Went to a bar last night with friends and went with one of them to get a drink. I’m talking to the bartender and he asks where I’m from. I say San Diego and he immediately responds, “A whale’s vagina!” Best. Moment. Ever. Hands down. I love the movie Anchorman. So much. One of my best friends and I used to quote the movie all the time to each other and I’m so glad because the bartender and I immediately engaged in a quote off which resulted in his refusal of our money. Just goes to show, a little Will Ferrell can go a long way.

Everyone wants to be your friend when you’re foreign!

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